Before I moved, I belonged to a gym with a sauna. Sunday afternoons, I’d manage to drag my ass out of the house just to sit in the steam room and sweat out all the bad things I did to my body over the weekend. Now my Sundays are spent moaning in bed, burping up whiskey and questioning my life’s choices.
I also used to have pretty bad asthma as a kid, which is relevant, trust me. My mother used to bring me into the bathroom, run the hot water and sit me on her lap to help me breathe. Looking back, it got relatively steamy. But now, as a 6’1″ 200 pound man, the weak water stream doesn’t produce nearly enough steam to get me as sweaty as a Bavarian power lifter.
Because of this, I decided to experiment and figure out the best way to get my bathroom steamier than the car sex in Titanic. Click through for step-by-step instructions on how to convert your bathroom into a steam room.
Before trying steaming, make sure you drink plenty of water before and after. You’re going to sweat a lot and you don’t want to completely dehydrate yourself. The point is to substitute the bad substances in your body with good, clean substances. A waterbottle both before and after your steam is plenty.
NOW. ON TO STEAMING:
0.) This is step zero because it’s not all that necessary. I did it, and I don’t know if it really made much of a difference, but go to your hot water heater and turn it up just a bit.
1.) If possible, cool your bathroom down. If its colder outside than in the house open a window and close the door. Let the room get nice and cold. Again, not a necesity, but more steam is produced when the room is colder to begin with.
2.) Seal off any entrance to the bathroom. Close the door and put a damp towel at the bottom so no air can get in or out. See if you can wedge an unfolded towel on the side and top of the door as well. If you can’t, use duct tape. You’ll remove it when you’re done and it’ll come off easily with all the moisture in the air. Don’t worry. Close any windows or closet doors. You want to make the room as small as possible.
3.) Plug the drain of your bath or shower.
4.) Turn on the hot water all the way. If you can, do it from the bath spigot , but the shower works just as well. Then close the shower curtain.
5.) Give the room a few minutes to get really hot.
6.) Run cold water from your sink and wet a towel. Apply it to your forehead or back of your neck if you feel faint or light headed. It’ll cool you down and help keep you from passing out.
7.) It should be steamy in the bathroom by now. Take a seat on the edge of the bath or on your toilet. Close your eyes, deep breathly, and relax. Let the water run.
8.) Go for about ten minutes and then shut the water off. Then sit back down and relax some more. I wouldn’t recommend steaming for 20 minutes.
9.) Clean up and drink water.